Dating Tips : How to make a long-distance relationship work

7 March 2013

Listens :  Burywood – Latenight 
If there's something I hear a lot around me is “long distance relationships never work”. That bugs me so hard ! I know a lot of friends that are in this same situation for a long time and it still works out. Long-distance relationships are not that hard, they are just different and you need to adapt your everyday life to it. Each relationship is unique : the distance, the people, even the money changes everything. Being in that kind of relationship is more and more common nowadays with students going everywhere. I am in this situation for more than 7 months, I am no expert but I decided to share with you what I've learned from my experience.

• Be Realistic
I know that I just said long-distance relationships can work and I believe it, but you have to be realistic before getting involved. This kind of relationship is not good for everyone. If you are the type of person who needs a lot of attention like hugs, kisses all the time, it might hurt you more than anything else. Also, if you are the type of person that always has problems answering the phone, forgets about replying to messages etc, you will hurt the other who will feel abandoned. Before getting into a long-distance relationship, be sure that you are willing to do everything it takes to make it work. That means, spending time on your phone and computer, saving up money to see your partner as often as possible. The first mistake people make is to think that once their partner is gone, it's like being back to their single life : doing whatever you want whenever you want. But no, even if your partner is not around you have to keep thinking like you would in a relationship. If you are willing to do everything it takes, sure that your love for your partner is worth it, then good luck.
• Patience
One of the first emotions I had to face and I wasn't prepared for was frustration. Anger also. All of this because I was being impatient. I used to spend my days thinking that I would be in a long-distance relationship for two years. Two years are freaking long, even more when you are impatient. My first reaction to it was to fight it. I was angry and frustrated all the time because I found it unfair. I knew I was lucky to find the man I love, who would be ready to do everything he could to make this work but I was mad I had to go back to France. I know what you are going to think : I'm a big girl, if I don't want to go to France I just don't. But I couldn't because no matter how much I love my boyfriend I knew those two years of studies were essential for our future. It took me almost two months before actually giving up and accepting the fact that I couldn't make time pass faster. I was lucky my boyfriend was patient with me and very supportive. Don't be sad, don't be angry, just accept the fact that you will have to wait. The sooner you accept it, the better. If you don't, you might just ruin from the beginning what could be a great story.
• Communication
Think about it : when you are in a relationship, you see your partner almost everyday if you two don't live together. That means that you guys talk a lot, share everything about your everyday life, you build memories together. So why should it change ? But you have to be careful, not every kind of conversations are great.
Communication is essential because talking is going to replace the kissing, the cuddling, the sex, everything. You also need to remember that guys don't communicate much, most of them feel better after a game on X-Box or Playstation (whatever) than sharing what they feel. And you, as a girl, you will have to understand that it's not always ok to talk for hours about your problems on the phone. I'm not saying not to share your feelings anymore, on the contrary, but in a long distance relationship, any phone call is somehow sad, because it reminds you that the other is far away. Try to always keep a positive attitude to your conversation. And when the time is right, make the other feel like he helped by listening to you, that it meant something for your couple.
By talking, you keep building something together. This is important that your partner knows what is going on in your life so he feels part of it and evolves with you no matter how far you are. That's why you need to share as much as you can and also understand that you can't share everything. For example calling in the middle of the night to cry on the phone about how sad this situation is. If you need it once in a while that's ok, but try to avoid it.
Long story short: understand that you need to share as much positive information as possible, that when in a long-distance relationship sad conversation must be driven carefully.
• Own The Internet
Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and of course Skype are going to be your best friends to help you support your relationship. I am not saying that you have to spend your days posting on your partner's wall some cheesy comments and gooey pictures, but it helps building new memories or reminding others. For example posting on Facebook the trailer of a movie you would like to watch together, a song that reminds you of a cute moment you had. I like Instagram, I tag very often my boyfriend on pictures I know he will find cute or funny. It's always nice to see this in the middle of the day when you least expect it.
Skype might be the best help for any kind of relationship. I use it all the time for my family, my best friends, and nowadays even for job interviews ! Skype is really important because you see and hear the other. You have to be careful and make sure you skype as much as possible. Once again, communication is essential and the Internet is a great tool. If you have a busy life or if you are not good at calling: plan skype dates. You know that this day at that time you will be online chatting with your partner, and you won't feel frustrated because you know that you have to wait for a particular day. Once again, it's essential to communicate, not only to talk about your shitty and lonely night but for example to talk about the last Walking Dead episode. You may not be together but you can share your impressions on it and still be on the same line. See what I mean about communicating and owning the Internet ? Try to keep your conversations natural, talk about everything you can and make the other smile.
• Be Positive
I keep saying it, but being positive really is essential. If you keep reminding how hard this is, how sad and unfair, you might just depress your partner. Also, by being so negative, you will end up making him see what he didn't see at first and think that maybe, it's not worth it. And you don't want that, do you ? Being negative – in any kind of relationship actually – is like shooting a bullet in your own foot. Remember that : smiling makes everything easier and nicer. It will underline what a beautiful and strong person you are.
Also, to help you keep smiling: try to plan one trip ahead. It's always easier to say goodbye when you know when you are going to meet again. Those small goals will help you waiting and before you realise it, you are back in the arms of your partner.
• Do Special Things
This is a fact : long-distance relationships ask more work than regular relations. It's like having to celebrate Valentine's day weekly. I don't mean sending expensive presents, but small attentions. A cute text saying how much you love your partner and how much this is worth the wait. Sending a song, a picture, a postcard, a love letter. I know we are in 2013 but guys, trust me, love letters still work, just chose the right words. Send once in a while packages with small gifts. They don't have to be expensive, just to mean something to your partner. For example, I would send a bag of Skittles because I know my boyfriend is crazy about it, with a card and some other cute stuff. It's not about the price, it's about the attention, the symbolism behind the gesture. And that, will make the difference and enlight the day of your partner.
When you finally see each other, make sure those moments are going to be special and unique. For example, make a list of movies you planned to watch together, restaurant you wanted to try, concerts... You have to keep building memories that will make you want to see your lover each time even more. Your relationship has to be filled up with great moments you shared that are not only skypes and facebook messages. This is the time to keep the fire burning and the passion alive, to bring back to life everything that made you fall in love at the first place. Try to make those moments as great as possible.
• Live Your Own Life
You are in a relationship but alone. That means that you have a lot of free “me time”. Use it carefully and fully. This is the moment to become a better version of yourself. Go to the gym, study, do some projects, spend more time with your friends, have a makeover. In a long-distance relationship, living your own life is crucial, because it will help you wait and make your life nicer. If you are busy, you don't see the time passing. It's also good to survive the distance. You don't want your partner to stay home and cry over the phone because he misses you so badly he doesn't have a life anymore. It's always better to know that he is making something out of his spare time, just like you. And then, you share about this, your projects, your ideas. My boyfriend became even more involved in my blog since we are in a long-distance relationship. Before it was my own thing I was doing in my corner during my “me time” but now, I like to share it with him. I tell him about my ideas, my pictures, the articles I would like to write. And he is interested in it because it is part of my life, just like I love the “Cooking Monday Skype” we have, whenever he cooks a great meal while talking to me. He shares his recipe and we have fun.
Living your own life doesn't mean having secrets and losing each other. It means that you have to be yourself, being accomplished in your couple so you guys keep growing as yourself but together, in the same direction (cause we all know there's only One Direction ahah //out). Just like a couple should.
• Chose your Fights
It will happen, sooner or later. Fighting on the phone is hard, but fighting on the phone while in a long-distance relationship is even worst. You just feel helpless because if your partner wants to hang up and not talk to you for days or just hook up with the first b*tch he sees, he will. You have absolutely no control anymore and have no choice but trusting him. And that's not easy for everyone. And it wasn't for me at all.
I use to fight a lot with my boyfriend for no real reasons. I wasn't being mean, but when you talk on the phone or with messages, you don't feel as understood as in a face to face conversation. I was feeling frustrated because my boyfriend didn't seem to understand what I really meant so we were fighting. And that's not good. We were both wrong but somehow it wasn't our fault. Even for people in love, having to fight through the phone makes things harder to understand, and we speak in English which is not our mother tongue for any of us. And that's another problem.

So when in a long-distance relationship be careful not to start a useless fight. My boyfriend and I decided to avoid it with some simple technique I will share with you :

• When the fight starts, try to back off before any bad word is said. Just calm down and say something like "I don't want to fight. Just explain to me what I did wrong". Most of the time you will realize that there is no real problem, just a stupid misunderstood.
• If there is a real fight on the phone or by messages, try to Skype. How many times my boyfriend and I were starting an argument and then, the moment we turned on Skype we realized after a few words that it was just some useless tensions. Sometimes, in a long-distance relationship you feel lonely and you can get angry easily, seeing the face of your partner can make you calm down like magic.
Also, when it comes to fights, be careful. Realize that the beauty of couple arguments is that you can makeup right after by showing your affection. That's not possible in a long-distance relationship and that's why they are dangerous. Make sure that the moment you decide not to pass it's for a good reason worth the risk. Besides, I told you already how important it is to be positive. Because of the distance, any tension is stronger and you can get insecure or tired easily. So when it comes to arguments, my main advice from my own experience – because I get angry too quickly – would be before calling to complain or sending that text you know is going to start the fight or answer to an attack, think about it. Is it worth it ? Do you really think that when your partner is so far away from you and can simply shut you down in a second, is it wise to just fight back ? Again, knowing how to avoid an argument and learning how to communicate your feelings instead can only be a plus for your relationship, even later when you are back in the same place.
• Control Your Jealousy
I am not a jealous person. At least I though I wasn't at all and I was so wrong. Let me get this clear : I won't be sneaking on my boyfriend's phone or Facebook, I'm not that jealous. But like any girl would feel, I guess, when I see another one too close from my man, well I will get suspicious. Jealousy is wrong and I'm working on it. Long-distance relationship doesn't help at all, at least at first. You only know what your boyfriend tells you, you don't control anything and that's good because you have no choice but trusting each other. At first, when I was all angry and frustrated I was a bit jealous. Not about the girls, about his friends. They knew him for years, could see him all the time when I was stuck in a place I didn't want to be and forced not to see him. That's how my frustration grew. My boyfriend thought I didn't want him to have a life and it wasn't true. I would hate to be the girl that would stand between him and his friends, it's even stupider when I actually love them all. But once in a long-distance relationship, you can feel like you have just a tiny piece of the man you love and everybody else has more. That's very stupid but I got insecure at first and I had to work on it. It took me a little while but now, when my boyfriend tells me that we won't skype because one of his best friends invited him to have a drink, I don't get sad. I know we love each other and I have to be rational.
Insecurity will just destroy your couple. If you spend your time asking your boyfriend to prove how much he loves you in a needy and heavy way, you will just milk him to the bone. Jealousy can also show your ugliest face. People think that it comes from a lack of trust in the other but in my case, in my lowest moments, it was a lack of confidence in myself. I know I have a blog and I am supposed to have my voice and be confident, I am, but we all have those days when you feel off the game. In those days, I was worried the distance would make him forget why he fell in love with me, that maybe I wasn't as great as he thought.
My advice would be to keep those feelings of insecurity for yourself because most of the time they are irrational. If your boyfriend loves you, he will tell you everything you need to hear without even asking. Just listen. And remember, maybe when he is playing video games he wonders if he is still the man that made you fall in love with him.
• Love
Because none of this piece of advice would work if there is no love behind. Also, maybe none of them is useful, because as long as you love each other, and you are ready to do everything in your power to make it work, then it will. There is no magic spell to make a long distance relationship last, those tips come from my experience, what I learned from my mistakes and my friends'. But only love can give you the strength and the wisdom to make it happen. So if you are going through this: struggling, being happy or thinking about it, I wish you the best and good luck.


DIY | Cheap Makeup Brushes Holder

1 March 2013

Listens :  The Townhouses  Heartsick
Today, I'll be showing you a quick and simple Makeup Brushes Holder DIY. All you need is a pretty candle you want to keep after it's totally burned out. Mine comes from Jardin Botanique, took me a few days to finish it. I felt in love with the heavy glass I knew I would keep for this purpose. So, once you have your candle, all you need to do is to light it and wait !
Now your candle is finished, clean it under very hot water. If you are young, ask your parent's help. I may be 22, I usually ask my boyfriend to help me because I'm pretty clumsy when it comes to this. Once it's clean, put your brushes in it and you have your  new cheap makeup storage ! Told you that was simple !
I will see you soon, love Xx

Latest Instagrams

© The Crime of Fashion. Design by Fearne.